Energy healing fell into my lap at a time in my life when my anxiety was growing out of control.
I remember feeling like I was always pretending. I pretended that I was enjoying myself, that I was happy and content, and that I felt like I fit in with people who didn’t even know me.
My life and decisions were all ruled by fear. I just wanted to blend in and not be noticed.
It felt like I was standing on a frozen lake with ice cracking all around me, panicking, and trying to convince myself, and everyone else, that I was fine, that I could keep this going, and that I had everything under control.
Keep calm and drink wine, get lost on facebook for hours, and douse myself in calming essential oil 22 times a day.
None of that made me feel better. It numbed me, and numb felt better than the grip of anxiety choking the life out of me. But when the numbness wore off, anxiety would come back a little stronger, louder, and more powerful.
Anxiety had hijacked my life.
It had finally grown so big that I knew I had to ask for help. It was agonizing to admit that things had been growing out of control and that I had kept it a secret from everyone.
While I was going to counseling and getting the professional mental health support I needed, I found energy work.
I was able to interact with my fear in a new way.
Energy work gave me something I couldn’t remember ever feeling. For the first time in a long time, my head was a safe place to be.
Energy work gave me permission to tune out my demons and surrender to peace.
Energy work loosened anxiety’s grip around me and I could finally breathe again.
Energy work called my Voice of Fear out on its BS and started removing the toxic hooks from me one by one.
For the first time in a long time, I started to feel whole again.
Of course, anxiety does not go down without a fight. It made me doubt myself as I tried the healing techniques.
My fear wanted me to think that the healing was fake, but that the lies that kept me afraid were true.
After I started doing the work, I saw a glimmer of light. I learned how to use energy work to anchor that light in myself and hold on to it tightly, so that no matter what anxiety was throwing at me, no matter what storm I was weathering, no matter how far out I had spiraled into my fear, I could still find that tiny glimmer of light.
It was like Noah getting the olive branch from the dove. Even though he couldn’t see any land, that olive branch promised him it was there.
That glimmer of light was my olive branch. Even though there was only fear everywhere I could see, I could hold onto that light and trust that peace and healing were out there and on their way to me.
I learned about the energy of fear. I learned how to listen for my voice of fear (instead of to it) and how to call it out on its BS. I learned how to be resilient to my fear and panic, and how to cling to the olive branch.
I needed CRYSTALS.
Working with crystals helped me pay attention to my intentions.
Each crystal represents the solution to a need our bodies have. When I use them, they are a tangible embodiment of an intention I set to heal my body, mind, and spirituality.
When I want more compassion, I use rose quartz.
When I want to protect myself from toxic people, I use black tourmaline.
When I want to feel creative, I use carnelian.
Crystals interact with our energy, but they also represent an intention I made for myself and my space.
Learning about CHAKRAS came next.
They gave me a framework for understanding the energy in our bodies and how fear and our emotions affect that energy.
It was the first step in seeing how fear is a holistic trauma (mind, body, and soul are affected), and that true healing is holistic, where all three are healed together.
AFFIRMATIONS followed that.
They make our body a hostile environment for fear.
They shine a giant searchlight in all the shadowy places our anxiety likes to hide.
Affirmations and fear cannot coexist in the same space.
Working with affirmations shakes lose the fear we’ve been living with and shows it to us, forcing us to decide between that fear and our healing.
Then I learned TAPPING.
Tapping took affirmations to the next level (to the next dimension).
Tapping is where the emotional and spiritual work overlapped with the physical work.
Its a powerful experience that takes the reins away from anxiety and creates a healing space for our energy so we can remove layers of gunk, lifetimes of trauma, and chronicles of lies that have been poisoning us.
Next was GOD BOXES and CRYSTAL GRIDS.
God boxes and crystal grids worked the same as tapping to take the healing to the next dimension.
They can blend the mindfulness of intention setting of crystal work, with the knowledge of our energy systems that chakras give us, mixed in with the power that affirmations have in our bodies to heal us.
For me to show up authentically with you, so you can really get to know who I am, and decide if you want to spend time reading these posts and watching these videos, I can’t hold back these stories that are the hardest ones to share.
I don’t want it to be true that I am capable of people-pleasing before taking care of myself. I don’t want it to be true that I could show up “edited” and a collage of everyone’s expectations so I wouldn’t make people uncomfortable.
But something about sharing our pain to be seen by another is in itself healing.
So I’m telling you,
I see your pain.
I’m showing you mine, too.
They might not be identical, but we can still stand side-by-side as we do this work.
We don’t edit out our pain for everyone else’s comfort. We heal our pain for our own growth and wholeness.
You all inspire me to challenge myself when you face the beast head on and TRANSFORM your pain into healing. I am proud that we can all hold space for each other here to do that.
Good luck and remember to be gentle with yourself and honor your story.